God - According to an 8-year old

I must confess that I am a free thinker...at least for the past many years...and still am. To me, religion and faith are spiritual and the 'fixation' that people hang on to as a guidance and intimate shelter. Through good times and bad especially during troubled circumstances. Not many people can handle sorrow such as death of loved ones hence faith provides a perfect get-away.

I am relaying the following elucidation about 'God' in the eye of an 8-year old. Enjoy!

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It was written by an 8-year-old named Danny Dutton, who lives in Chula Vista, CA. He wrote it for his third grade homework assignment, to 'explain God.'

[... and he had such an assignment, in California, and someone published it, I guess miracles do happen ! . ]

EXPLANATION OF GOD:

'One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die, so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth. He doesn't make grownups, just babies I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way he doesn't have to take up his valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and fathers.'

'God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times besides bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this. Because he hears everything, there must be a terrible lot of noise in his ears, unless he has thought of a way to turn it off.'

'God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting his time by going over your mom and dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have.'

'Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista . At least there aren't any who come to our church.'

'Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work, like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't want to learn about God. They finally got tired of him preaching to them and they crucified him But he was good and kind, like his father, and he told his father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said OK.'

'His dad (God) appreciated everything that he had done and all his hard work on earth so he told him he didn't have to go out on the road anymore. He could stay in
heaven. So he did. And now he helps his dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones he can take care of himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important.'

'You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to help you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the time.'

'You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God! Don't skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong. And besides the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway.'

'If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It is
good to know He's around you when you're scared, in the dark or when you can't swim and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids.'

'But...you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you. I figure God put me here and he can take me back anytime he pleases. And...that's why I believe in God.'

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Best Employer...Google

11th day of September - A bloody boring day. Some people still having flashback about 911 and NY World Trade Center. Look ahead...life goes on...

I am counting my remaining days with present employer...exactly 80 working hours. Been sentenced to the cold corner since 1st day of the month. Whole day surfing and chatting online...occasionally insulting my intelligence to answer inquiry calls and casual discussion with peers. I guess that is inevitable since I will be joining a major competitor next. Suits me perfectly as I have no mood and not motivated to work at all. This may be the only time to relax and unwind before new job starts.

Come to think of it, it's been 20 fcuking years since I first started working...I can still recall my very first job only pays RM 350 per month (base) plus commission before a more permanent opportunity as a Programmer at a miserable monthly wage of RM 600. That is not even enough to cover my younger kid's monthly school fees today. Wonder how I can still go out pub hopping, party, and etcetera during those times.

Back to the original intend of this post, I am still waiting for an opportunity to work for a company such as Google after reading the following:

(perhaps no chance in Malaysia after SKMM screw up big time with the clamping down on Internet access to certain website)

This is probably the reason why Google wins the title of 'Best Employer' several years running. Google is said to be the dream job of a lot of people.



We already knew that working for Google had certain advantages, but, believe me, this giant of the search motor takes the welfare of its employees seriously...as shown by this decompression (stress) capsule that is impermeable to sound and light . . .



Moving around: A slide allows quick access from different floors . . . There are also poles available . . . they are similar to the ones used in fire stations .



Food. Employees can eat all they want from a vast choice of food and drinks.



INOVATION: Large boards are available just about everywere because
'ideas don't always come when seated in the office' says one of Googles managers.



Work Station: Each employee has at least two large screens.
There are 4-6 'Zooglers' per office.



LEISURE. Pool tables, video games etc. are available in many areas.



Communication. . . On each floor, there are private cabin areas where employees can attend to personal affairs.



Technical Support: Problem with your computer? No problem. . . Bring it to this area where drinks are available while it is being fixed. . .



Health: Professional masseurs (eusses) available.



REST. . . This room provides massage chairs that you control. . . while you view relaxing aquariums. . . . !!!



Ambiance. . . There are many books in this library . . . even some about programming!!!

Getting ready to join them yet?
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We can only pray that one day Google Malaysia will execute its plan to start an operation here at Cyberjaya or Petronas Twin Towers....and lets hope they did not read anything about MCMC blocking the blogs and websites at our Internet space.

Calling Names for Chinese

Confusing Chinese Names
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Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?

Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!

Operator : You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller : I'm Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent.

Operator : I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?

Caller : Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one)has involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one)got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan (everyone) is on his way to the hospital.

Operator : Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator : I'm Saw Lee (Sorry).

Caller : Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!!
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This is hilarious ...

Here are some common names:

Anne Chang => Dirty (Mandarin)
Anne Chin => Keep Quiet (Mandarin)
Faye Chen => Dusty (Mandarin)
Carl Cheng => Buttock (Hokkien)
Monica Cheng => Touching your buttocks (Hokkien)
Lucy Leow => You are dead (Hokkien)
Jane Tan => Frying eggs (Mandarin)
Suzie Leow => Lose till death (Hokkien)
Henry Mah => Hate your mum (Mandarin)
Corrine Tai => Poor fellow (Hokkien)
Paul Chan => Bankrupt (Mandarin)
Nelson Tan => Bird laying eggs (Mandarin)
Michael Tan -> Sell Chicken eggs (Cantonese)
Leslie Tong => Rubbish Bin (Mandarin)
Carmen Teng => Leg hair long (Hokkien)
Connie Mah => Call your mother (Cantonese)
Danny See => Squeeze you to death (Hokkien)
Rosie Teng => Screws and nails (Hokkien)
Pete Tsai => Nose droppings (Hokkien)
Macy Koh => Never die before (Cantonese)

==========================

Boat Tale

Joe and John were identical twins.

Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself. One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-staters who sank it. Joe spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening. Unknown to him, his brother John's wife died suddenly.

When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery. A kind old neighbor woman mistook him for John and said: "I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible." Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said: "Hell no! Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always holding water. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time.I warned them that she wasn't very good and smelled bad. But they wanted her anyway. The darn fools tried to get in her all at one time and she split right up the middle!" The old woman fainted.

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As usual, credit goes to the original author and the people whom have circulated it through the e-mails chain.

Jokes for A Lousy Day

5th day of September - end of first week of the month.

Weather today - going to be wet and shitty
Politics today - sucks, say no more
Work today - totally fucked and utmost boring
Bursa today - diarrhea with rumour that PM stepping down

I hope you will feel better after reading following jokes:

1. Losing all your friends

Man comes home and finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend and kills him. Wife says "If you behave like this, you
will lose ALL your friends."

2. Brother wanted

A small boy wrote to Santa Claus, "Send me a brother"....
Santa wrote back, "SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"....

3. Meaning of WIFE

Husband asks, "Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means 'Without Information
Fighting Everytime'!"
Wife replies, "No, it means 'With Idiot For Ever'!!!"

4. Importance of a period

Teacher: "Do you know the importance of a period?"
Kid: "Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a
heart attack & our driver ran away."

5. Confident vs. confidential

A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and
confidential?" Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend
over there, is also my son, that's confidential! "

6. Anger management?

Husband: "When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your
anger?"
Wife: "I clean the toilet."
Husband: "How does that help?"
Wife: "I use your toothbrush ."

7. Married Humour

Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband: 'I was looking for the expiry date.'

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Wife: 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife: 'Yes or no.'

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Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?'
Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and
the problem disappears..'
Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?'
Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be
greater than this one?'

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Stress Reliever Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries,
troubles and lighten your burden.'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'

------------------------------
Son: ' Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my
seat to a lady.'
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'

------------------------------
A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father
hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU
A FORTUNE!'

------------------------------
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever
The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.'

------------------------------
A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy
body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!'

==============================

Credit to the original author(s) and the people whom has circulated this through a series of chained mails. Have a good day!

So Bloody Hilarious!

This funny letter was extracted from YB Lim Kit Siang's Blog (http://blog.limkitsiang.com/2008/09/02/horror-of-malaysian-education-system/#more-1436)

So damn funny.....

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Dear Ah Lian

Thanks you for your litter. Wrong time no see you. How everything? For me, I am quiet find.

You say in your litter your taukeh soh want you to chain your look? Somemore you must wear kick kok soo, hope you can wok properly.

You know, Ah Kau Kia working in a soft where company now. Last week, he take I, Muthu & few of his friend to MayNonut to eat barger. After that he take we all go to kalah ok. Muthu sing and sing no stop until the sky bright.

Next week, my father mother going to sellerbread 20 years annie wear sari. My father mother going to give a fist to all the kampong people. So you must come with your hole family.

I only hope one day we no need to write and send letter to you and to me. Better I e-meow you, you e-meow me.

I will ketchup with you soon. And when you got time, please few free to call me. Goo bye…..

Worm regard,
Ah Beng

Have a Break!

First working day of September...perhaps start with some jokes (contributed by a long lost online buddy) to at least brighten your day amidst the gloomy sky:

Baby

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: 'That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!'

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: 'The driver just insulted me!'

The man says: 'You go right up there and tell him off, go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.

Die Hard Golfer

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: 'Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man. The man then replies: 'Yeah, well we were married for 35 years.'

MIL

A couple are going out for a night on the town. They're all dolled up, ready to go; the lights left on, the dog put out. But just as the taxi arrives and they step out of the house, the dog darts back inside and won't come out. They don't want to leave the dog inside, so the husband goes upstairs to find it, while the wife goes to wait in the taxi.

Not wanting it known that the house will be empty, she explains to the driver that her husband had just gone 'to say good-bye to my mother'.

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' he says. 'Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat-hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her ass downstairs and tossed her in the backyard!

She'd better not shit in the vegetable garden again!'. The silence in the cab was deafening.