Have a Break!
First working day of September...perhaps start with some jokes (contributed by a long lost online buddy) to at least brighten your day amidst the gloomy sky:
Baby
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: 'That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!'
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: 'The driver just insulted me!'
The man says: 'You go right up there and tell him off, go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.
Die Hard Golfer
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: 'Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man. The man then replies: 'Yeah, well we were married for 35 years.'
MIL
A couple are going out for a night on the town. They're all dolled up, ready to go; the lights left on, the dog put out. But just as the taxi arrives and they step out of the house, the dog darts back inside and won't come out. They don't want to leave the dog inside, so the husband goes upstairs to find it, while the wife goes to wait in the taxi.
Not wanting it known that the house will be empty, she explains to the driver that her husband had just gone 'to say good-bye to my mother'.
A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' he says. 'Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat-hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her ass downstairs and tossed her in the backyard!
She'd better not shit in the vegetable garden again!'. The silence in the cab was deafening.
Baby
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: 'That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!'
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: 'The driver just insulted me!'
The man says: 'You go right up there and tell him off, go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.
Die Hard Golfer
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: 'Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man. The man then replies: 'Yeah, well we were married for 35 years.'
MIL
A couple are going out for a night on the town. They're all dolled up, ready to go; the lights left on, the dog put out. But just as the taxi arrives and they step out of the house, the dog darts back inside and won't come out. They don't want to leave the dog inside, so the husband goes upstairs to find it, while the wife goes to wait in the taxi.
Not wanting it known that the house will be empty, she explains to the driver that her husband had just gone 'to say good-bye to my mother'.
A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' he says. 'Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat-hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her ass downstairs and tossed her in the backyard!
She'd better not shit in the vegetable garden again!'. The silence in the cab was deafening.
posted by spectrakia at
12:20 pm
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