Jokes for A Lousy Day

5th day of September - end of first week of the month.

Weather today - going to be wet and shitty
Politics today - sucks, say no more
Work today - totally fucked and utmost boring
Bursa today - diarrhea with rumour that PM stepping down

I hope you will feel better after reading following jokes:

1. Losing all your friends

Man comes home and finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend and kills him. Wife says "If you behave like this, you
will lose ALL your friends."

2. Brother wanted

A small boy wrote to Santa Claus, "Send me a brother"....
Santa wrote back, "SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"....

3. Meaning of WIFE

Husband asks, "Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means 'Without Information
Fighting Everytime'!"
Wife replies, "No, it means 'With Idiot For Ever'!!!"

4. Importance of a period

Teacher: "Do you know the importance of a period?"
Kid: "Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a
heart attack & our driver ran away."

5. Confident vs. confidential

A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and
confidential?" Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend
over there, is also my son, that's confidential! "

6. Anger management?

Husband: "When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your
anger?"
Wife: "I clean the toilet."
Husband: "How does that help?"
Wife: "I use your toothbrush ."

7. Married Humour

Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband: 'I was looking for the expiry date.'

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Wife: 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife: 'Yes or no.'

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Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?'
Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and
the problem disappears..'
Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?'
Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be
greater than this one?'

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Stress Reliever Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries,
troubles and lighten your burden.'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'

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Son: ' Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my
seat to a lady.'
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'

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A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father
hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU
A FORTUNE!'

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Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever
The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.'

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A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy
body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!'

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Credit to the original author(s) and the people whom has circulated this through a series of chained mails. Have a good day!